Facing Infant Loss as a Surrogate

By Krista, JA Surrogate

“I’m so sorry, your baby has passed”. This is not something that anyone wants to hear – especially after a long road with infertility.

I was their surrogate.

Infant loss is not something that I’d heard people talk about. I was unaware of how often it happened. But then… it happened. It felt like a nightmare come true for everyone involved. But, even though Baby H never got to join us earth-side, I feel like he and all the other little souls that we lose too early deserve to be acknowledged.

It took 5 IVF transfers before we got pregnant. This journey was certainly not the easy ride I had pictured when deciding to become a surrogate. It was a whole new world for me that really opened up my eyes to the heartbreak of infertility and how fragile life really is.

Baby H was a beautiful boy who weighed almost 8lbs. He looked just like his daddy. There was so much love and work that went into creating him, on both mine and his parent’s behalf.

I got to know him over the months I carried him; more and more with each kick of his tiny feet, the way he’d move around my belly, and how often he’d sleep. But for whatever reason, he was meant to be an angel instead.  

We later learned that this happens so much more then is spoken about, and for that reason I feel our story is an important one to share. As we began to talk more with others, I’ve discovered that many people have been touched by infant loss or know someone that has.

Nothing is a guarantee and life is so very precious. Whether you have had a miscarriage, or a stillborn, the losses count and I hope you know that you are never alone.