What is important when the world stands still?

By Linsay Ambeault

I’ve been a single working mom for as long as I can remember. I love my daughters and every so often there will be those moments where one of them will do or say something that makes me realize they’re not only everything I am, but everything I’m not. Being around them is like being born again.

But the day to day reality is more about survival. Work, clean the house, remember to feed them and ask about school. Worry about whether they’re eating healthy enough or getting too much screen time or not enough sleep. Wanting to spend quality time with them but still make meals, keep a clean house, and be a dedicated employee so I can keep the bills paid and take care of them. Making sure their clothes and bedding are washed and school lunches are packed. Worrying about what kind of adults they’ll be and if I’m somehow dropping the ball in a way that’s going to keep them from reaching their full potential. Feeling guilty for being a single parent. Things I shouldn’t worry about - everyone who meets them remarks how smart and kind they are - but it’s almost second nature. Wondering if I’ll ever be out of this rat race we call life, and hoping they won’t be grown up before I am.

Then Covid-19 happened. And the whole world... paused. If your family is anything like mine, and it probably is... this quarantine hasn’t been all bad. We’ve spent more time together as a family than we have in years. Home-cooked meals every night, discovering new recipes, spending out evenings doing jigsaw puzzles and playing board games. The house has never been cleaner. My 14 year old is reading through books I read as an adult and my 12 year old is churning out art projects. Both are doing what they can for online learning. I almost wish this part of the quarantine will last forever. All the important things in life are here and present.

Then you realize not everyone has this. I found myself dreading my daughters going to their dads, and wondered what I do with myself and how empty the house would be. Normally I relished these times, it’s when I’d get caught up on everything, travel, see my adult friends, and make plans. None of those things are feasible right now. It’s just me, my job, and an empty house.

For the first time in 7 years of being around the surrogacy community, I caught a small glimpse of how intended parents must feel - missing things that haven’t happened yet and children that are still just dreams. To make matters worse, even those dreams are in limbo right now, with clinics closed, reopen dates uncertain, cycles cancelled, frozen embryos waiting. For some, isolation is just that... isolating. The things we with family are lucky enough to rediscover, the things we took for granted... are things others are dreaming of.

I thought about all the ‘things’ that were no longer essential in this new world. Where we’d restructured our lives around keeping each other safe, and compassion and caring had reached new levels. Where the only thing that mattered was our family and each other. Will we come out of this and return to the same rat race as before? Will we go back to taking it all for granted? Or will we slow down, and keep thinking of others and how we can help?

I’d always thought of surrogacy as levelling the playing field. Allowing the same blessings for others that have been granted to us. It was just something you do when you live in a society. With all the time in the world at hand, what better time to start something that truly will lead to a better world for someone? What better time to be the one that brings the dream of a family to life.

“There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise to meet.” - William Frederick Halsey Jr.