A Fertile Seed From the Heart.

“Your heart is full of fertile seeds, waiting to sprout.” - Morihei Ueshiba

By Joscelyn Potter

The first seed that was ever planted in my mind surrounding surrogacy was 8 years ago. The birth facilitator for my child birth class shared that one of her pregnancies had been a surrogacy. Her story, for whatever reason, stuck with me.

February 10, 2011, the day I delivered my first child. A son, named Gabriel. I stood over this sleeping baby in sheer amazement. I could not wrap my mind around the fact that there was now this perfect little human sleeping peacefully in front of me. One that I had grown and nurtured for 9 months.

It was in this moment that I, once again, had another seed planted in my heart. The love I felt for this child was so overwhelming. My heart thought of all those who were having to go without this magic in their lives. Those who were struggling to conceive, who were struggling to create a family of their own. In that moment, I knew I wanted to do something to help. I wanted to nurture and grow a new life. I wanted to be a small part of helping other families get their miracle too.

As my own family continued to grow, and grow, and grow, the thought was never lost on me. With each pregnancy, and each delivery thereafter, that seed continued to sprout. I knew with each child how blessed I had been. Healthy pregnancies and uncomplicated deliveries. I needed to use this baby growing factory of mine for more than just my own use.

By the time I met Jennifer Allen, I was almost all-in and ready to become a surrogate. Specifics didn’t really matter to me, it was already in my heart. It was something innately that I just knew I had to do. A calling, if you will. There was only one concern I had that held me back. A perfectly logical and real fear. What happens if I get attached? You see, I believe that pregnancy is a special time between a woman and a baby; it creates a bond that cannot be broken. This could make it heartbreaking, and dare I say, traumatic, to give a baby away. How could I do that?

Thankfully, Jennifer explained to me that letting go feels much different when it comes to surrogacy. In an inexplicable way, you know from the beginning that this is someone else’s child, someone else’s hope and dream. While there is no doubt that the bond you create is special, it is in fact quite different. Having been open and honest about my fear from day 1 allowed for doors to start opening. I trusted Jen. I looked at this opportunity from the perspective of the end result. Creating a family.

The thought of watching another couple become parents for the first time, and witnessing them feel the same love and joy that I had, was a desire greater than any of my fears. I was ALL-IN.

Do you believe in destiny? I do now, thanks to my experience with surrogacy. Being matched with my intended parents turned out to be something written in the stars. That first call was so nerve wracking – much like a first date. I allowed the nervousness to be a part of it, I allowed myself to feel it and I opened my heart to these two men. What I came to discover was the heartbreak they had already experienced, the loss, the frustration. They were at the brink of losing hope when our paths first crossed.

I remember those early days so vividly, daydreaming about the ‘magic moment’ as I referred to it. That moment of birth, when the much discussed baby-to-be would be born. When I would get to pass him or her to the new parents and witness the emotion as they held their child for the first time. Hours and hours I would spend daydreaming about this moment. It was the image that kept me anchored.

We spent time over the next few months speaking over video chats and messages. There was so much laughter and many deep discussions, we really began to bond. This is what made the journey so wonderful. I could see the family this baby was being born into. I could see the love that awaited him. I could see the fears and anticipation his parents experienced as they awaited his arrival. We talked about everything from what to expect at delivery, to very real emotions around becoming parents. We were no longer just ‘Intended Parents and Surrogate’; rather Jean-Yves and Albin became family. They told me they had chosen a name for their son, Gabriel. The same name as my eldest son.

Finally, on January 22nd, 2019, baby Gabriel’s daddies arrived in Canada. We were able to spend nearly 3 weeks together, as a family, before the baby arrived. My children adore their new ‘Uncles’ and my heart explodes witnessing the love these two men have for my children. There was something magical happening; I felt so fulfilled, and so full of life. So joyful and so full of love. Surrogacy became about so much more than just a baby. It brought magic to all our lives before this baby was even been born.

On Sunday February 10th, 2019, as we prepared for dinner to celebrate my eldest son’s 8th birthday, I felt that first little bit of a zinger tighten through my abdomen. I waited a few minutes. Another. A couple more minutes and then another. Yes, it was time to call the midwives.

As the children ate dinner, the midwives arrived, the photographer arrived and of course, Jennifer arrived as well. How could she not be there? She was the one who brought us all together. Her vision made this moment possible. It brought much comfort knowing that she was along side us to welcome this new baby to the world.

I am so grateful that Jean-Yves and Albin shared my vision for a water home birth. I had shared with them, at length, how powerful, calm, and beautiful my home births had been. I wanted desperately for them to be able to experience the birth of their son the same way that my husband and I had been able to welcome our own. We had the birth pool set up upstairs, I had my favourite vanilla candles burning around the room, and my birthing meditations playing on the TV. I was surrounded by people I loved and trusted. While I cannot speak to everyone else’s emotions in the room, I know for me, I felt safe. Calm.

As each contraction hit and intensified, I sent more loving energy to that baby. I imagined him surrounded in the brightness of a white and yellow light. So loved and protected. Instead of focusing on the pain of the contractions, I focused on the joy and the love that waited for this baby boy. I felt my husband in the room. I felt my children’s hands in mine. I heard the sobs behind me from the soon to be parents. I felt my water break and heard my midwife say, ‘Alright, it’s time to have a baby.’ At 7:04 pm, I heard the loudest gasp from behind me, coming from baby Gabriel’s dad, who had finally laid eyes on his son.

As the baby was lifted from the water to my chest, my eyes looked instantly for his daddies.

That moment. I cannot describe. As I write this and try to capture all of our story, I am stumped. That moment was one that there are no words for, in any language. But it was everything.

It was not lost on me how full circle this story had come.

Eight years prior, I became a mother for the first time. I had stood over my newborn baby, feeling like superwoman, knowing how blessed I was, and wishing that everyone would experience that type of love and joy. Eight years to the day. Eight years, almost to the exact moment, that I had once envisioned being a part of bringing someone else’s child into this world – it had just became a reality.

When it comes to surrogacy, I don’t see myself as being anyone spectacular, or being an amazing person. I’m still the same woman who swears at strangers in traffic and loses my temper with my kids more than I would like. Choosing to do a surrogacy journey was a simple choice really. The end result far outweighed any short-term discomfort. It is an amazing gift to give birth to a child for the sake of creating a family, but Jean-Yves and Albin gave me the greatest gift of all by inviting me in to be a part of this journey. They saw something in me and they trusted me with the one thing that was most precious to them in this world – their child. I am honoured that they chose me and what a gift is was to watch them prepare for the greatest adventure of their lives.

My family grew by 3 this year. And theirs grew by 7. I have grown in depth as a human. My heart’s ability to love has expanded further. My children’s lives have been enriched as a result of the unconditional love that our intended parents have shown them. My children have witnessed the greatest miracle of life and learned what is means to be a family. They have seen firsthand that families are made in many different ways. They have learned that families are not created just by DNA, but rather by the choices we make in our hearts.

I was blessed to have been witness to these father’s bond instantly with their son. I watched them navigate through their first few minutes, hours and days; finding their confidence and shedding their fears over becoming parents for the first time.

Just a few days ago, we had to say goodbye for now to baby Gabriel, Jean-Yves, and Albin. A piece of my heart flew across the ocean to France that day. It is not lost, just on another continent. It is important to understand that the sadness I feel is not an emptiness of something missing. It’s simply the sadness of closing one chapter to begin a new one. One that continues with a heart so full of love, joy, gratitude, and of pride that we did it! This was our end goal and we accomplished that.

And as for baby Gabriel, well, he will always know his magical birth story and how very, very, much he is loved.

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A Fertile Seed From the Heart.