Being a Christian Surrogate for a Same-Sex Couple
As a Christian, and a surrogate for two incredible men, I have been challenged over the past few years in my desire to embrace diverse families.
When I was a young teenager, I fell in love with the idea of having Jesus at the center of my life. Since then, I have followed all of the stereotypical steps of a “good Christian”. I waited until I was married to have sex, I had children, I took them to church, and prayed often. I’ve always been comfortable in the boundaries set before me in our church culture, with the exception of one area – I love the gay community.
I see their love as true love and I could never make it fit in the box that my church had clearly marked as “wrong”. Over the years, I’ve tried to find ways to make the churches reasoning comfortable in my heart but have never been fully able to do so.
About a year ago, I decided to pursue a surrogacy journey. My very first match was with a gay couple who had been trying to start their family for a long time. My chest completely froze – I didn’t know how to react. I remember standing in my friend’s kitchen, and saying, “I can't do this, I would lose friends, I would lose respect at my church.” Hearing those words come out of my mouth filled me with disgust. All I could think was: This is not who I am, this is not how I love people.
In the coming weeks, I battled with the idea of denying the two potential fathers. I reached out to trusted Christian friends, pastors, counsellors – anyone who could convince me that what the church had taught me was correct. No matter what, it still felt wrong. I kept asking God to fix this part of me that couldn’t adhere to the Christian laws surrounding same-sex couples. The response that seemed to keep coming back to me was, “are you brave enough?”
I believe that in this life, if we are lucky, we will be challenged to stretch ourselves in the direction of our hearts. To find a pocket in our own little lives that needs to be illuminated by our own courage. There are people in our world that have been brushed aside because others have chosen to be ignorant. Their truths, experiences and identities are real and their love is deep, powerful and valid. All people deserve to be recognized and honoured for who they are.
I chose to take a stand and to make this statement. Not everyone loved it, and not everyone is willing to engage with me anymore, but everyone now knows that I stand firmly on my faith, and firmly on my belief that all love is equal and worthy of being respected and honoured. This decision has brought more joy and fulfillment to my life then I could have ever imagined.
I will carry this child with confidence that she will be raised in love, commitment, consistency and joy. She will be resilient and open-minded. She will have arms to run too, shoulders to cry on, smiles of pride to soak in, and belly laughs to remember forever because she is SO wanted. I will forever be grateful for the village of people who chose to stand with me to ensure she was more than just a thought. Two men can be fathers, and I am grateful I was brave enough to see that.
Jessica Jamieson pictured alongside her intended fathers and JA Surrogacy’s CEO, Jennifer Allen.
Jessica Jamieson is a Support Worker at JA Surrogacy Consulting. Prior to coming to JA, Jessica worked as a birth doula and a care giver for foster children and children with special needs. Beyond supporting JA surrogates through the process, she is also on her own surrogacy journey with two intended fathers. Learn more about Jessica by visiting the Our Team page on our website.