Hi, I’m Jeremy, the Surrogate Partner Support worker here at JA Surrogacy Canada.

I was introduced to surrogacy through my wife and in the beginning, I was not at all on board with the idea. After some consideration and realizations on my end, we decided to begin our first journey in 2018. Today, it’s a decision I’m glad we made, and even though there were bumps in the road, I’m happy that we chose to do this together.

My role here at JA is to help surrogate partners who are concerned about the process and how it will impact their family's lives. Many partners have valid concerns, and it can be helpful to speak to someone who has been in a similar position and gone through the process. Here are a few of the most common questions I get asked in my role:

How do the expenses and finances work?

The most important thing to know is that you and your partner don’t take on any cost related to surrogacy or pregnancy expenses. These are claimable expenses that are outlined in a surrogacy contract. Specifics differ by surrogate and situation, but some of the general claimable expenses are:

Travel and Mileage
Medications and Vitamins
Childcare
Maternity clothes
Portion of food: groceries, take-out, and meal kits
Portion of internet and phone
Wellness Care: chiropractor, prenatal massage, and fitness memberships
Housekeeping: cleaning, lawn maintenance, and snow removal

How do I know my partner is protected?

JA Surrogacy has a team of professionals designated to support you and your partner along the way, with contracts, wills, and all the fixings that come with those. You and your partner will have a lawyer (fees covered by the intended parents) to review the contract with and negotiate reasonable changes. The JA team can also review your contract to make sure everything is in order if you have concerns.

As for medical, the JA team works closely with many IVF clinics and has good relationships with the doctors and nurses. They are always ready to step in and support their surrogates if any concerns arise.

What are the expectations from me as a partner?

Be honest open and supportive to the best of your ability. Patience and understanding are important.

Some IVF clinics require the surrogate’s partner to do bloodwork and a psych eval. to ensure you are both able to take on the journey. For the IVF transfer, surrogates are allowed to bring a support person, and this may be you! All expenses for you and your partner are covered when travelling for transfer or other surrogacy appointments. And of course, while your partner is pregnant, it’ll be up to you to do the heavy lifting, just like if she was carrying your own kids. Each situation is different and depending on how young kids are, you may need to help out more.

“As difficult as the pregnancy and everything that transpired throughout it was, I would happily sacrifice that time again to give this gift to someone else.”

How will this affect our family dynamic?

There will be pros and cons along the way. Sometimes a surrogate pregnancy can be more difficult than past pregnancies but is still not impossible to get through. As a partner, you are committing to support your partner through this journey. Try to remember that she is doing something pretty great for someone else, and be there for her during this. Life will get back to normal before you know it.

How did you come to terms and accept/begin to support your wife?

I pictured my life without my kids, or what it would have been like if we weren’t able to have them as easily as we did. My life wouldn’t be what it is today without them.

Once I realized that the intended parents have no other way to build their families, it flipped a switch. The children brought into this world through surrogacy are so loved from the minute they’re created. The intended parents have struggled through many challenges that we’ve never had to face. I wouldn’t want that for myself and my wife. That is how my mindset began to change around surrogacy.

“Something that helped me come to the realization that Alanna needed to do this was the fact that she doesn’t ask much from me.”

I have heard horror stories about intended parents dictating every move etc. Is that the case for all surrogacies? What can I do if this happens?

Not all intended parents can be easy to deal with, while others are great! Every situation is different. At JA, the team is mindful of welcoming IPs onto the waitlist who are kind and show promise of treating their future surrogate with respect.

Regardless of the circumstance or situation, the support staff at JA Surrogacy are there to assist when intended parents overstep their boundaries.

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